d

I left you with 

saltwater on my shirt

in a hurried day of which I knew

There would be no turning back

No fixing a little bump or scrape

I was already checked out and cold
My knees were weak, and I just wanted to touch you

The light was fading

Dimming and making me question myself

Squinting at the clouds overhead

wishing it would rain

so you couldn't see the monsoon inside

but you could always feel that part of me

and this is why you gracefully bowed out

why you knew that I was broken

It was never about money

but I welcomed the favors and the mention

I spent today thinking I would see you

I spent yesterday doing the same

I dreamt of nothing, wishing you were there

Open and honest

We were always right

Always sensing what the other would not speak

I cried alone

Days upon days not knowing where I was driving

Listening to the music you gave me

Finding a desire to hear you speak

feeling your lips touch my ear

Putting the phone to my face and putting it down

Never dialing

Giving you space

I wandered the desert

Holding myself against mountains

Remembering your warmth

Kicking up dust and throwing rocks

Escaping to California

Bleeding

I have become a siren

Calling them into my song

Yet more human, because of you

Everything reminds me of you

This city has echoes of us

I find myself walking

in the same route we always did

Sometimes I wish I could find a different one

Sometimes I just don't think about it

I picture you with my guitar

Incense burning

Entertaining someone who deserves you

while I am in North Carolina

Remembering my father

Talking to my mother

standing under a waterfall alone

hiding the waterfall inside

Americano iced

everything but the kitchen sink

sleep

text

call

kiss

goodbye

I love you

see you soon?